Opinionated Know-it-All

Here is a person you recall
There's one in ev'ry port of call
A chat with them you do forestall
Th' opinionated know-it-all

No matter what you talk about
They open mouth and start to spout
Their strong opinion is no doubt
The only one worth dishing out

If you should dare to disagree
You're left without a single plea
They interrupt like a banshee
And sting you like a killer bee

So to avoid an awkward scene
With this verbose talking machine

Or anything else unforeseen

Just shut your mouth and be serene

Forgot the Flowers

Forgot the flowers what to do
Now I'm in a real big stew
The shops are all closed oh boo hoo
One last call I'll try something new

Found one at last to save my can
A florist shop called Flowers by Stan
Now I'll be hers forever man
I'll call him quick — an action plan

Facial Luxury Debut

Can you tell me why we shave
How much money could we save
Morning razor I'm your slave
Scrape and bleed — my face engrave

What a waste of time it is
All this crazy shaving biz
Just because some fashion whiz
Says a guy should shave what's his

I don't know just what to do
Maybe I should start a coup
Tell that razor blade I'm through
Facial luxury debut

Mo'vember

It's Mo'vember let's grow a mo
For prostate cancer and your bro
Let's grow it out and let it flow
Let's band together — fight this foe

Moonshine for Me

Moonshine for me

Land of the free
Gov'ment decree
No more whoopee

They made a law
Stops maw and paw
Gets in my craw
Freedom no more

Back woods whiskey
Getting frisky
On that brew-sky
Can be risky

Moonshine with lead
Is our worst dread
We could drop dead
Stopped in our stead

If it's impure

Then there's no cure

If you're unsure

Take a detour

Let's Have a Smoke

Let's have a smoke
And all go broke
All while we choke
And slowly croak

It's not deluxe
It really sucks
And costs big bucks
And stinks — awe shucks

If you won't heed
Suck on that weed
You will impede
Your health indeed

Lung cancer hurts
That's the desserts
Stopping averts
Those health alerts

That Man is Sick

That man is sick
He's got a tick
Let's throw a brick
Give him a kick

There must be sin
Somewhere therein
Or next of kin
Where to begin

To criticize
Or to apprise
This man's demise
And his blind eyes

Jesus just bent
Without judgment
Gave his consent
Healed his torment

He did not rave
Or misbehave
His life he gave
For us — to save

(John 9:1-41)

Who's the Best

I've been around the world you know
From New York City to skid row
I've eaten squab in a château
Seen Singapore at night aglow

I'm often asked which is the best
Which place leaves me the most impressed
If you don't mind I might suggest
There's no such thing I could attest

The British are just so polite
Americans think big, forthright
Germans are diligent and bright
Australians laid back alright

If we could put them in one spot
Then we'd have the best of the lot
But that won't work 'cause we cannot
So who's the best cannot be tho't

Peace

We cry for peace — there is no peace
Hostilities when will they cease
In Africa, the Middle East
And ev'ry other press release

From all the violence in the street
And school yard bullies who mistreat
To war lords and their armed elite
World peace has taken a back seat

When will the forces be withdrawn
Sit down and talk you guys — come on
It's time for peace just let it dawn
A tranquil world to live upon

A Land of Equals

All men are created equal
But some do run while others crawl
So I guess there is a sequel
Some folks insist they have a call

To be high up above the rest
That they should only have the best
While we should simply be oppressed
And that they should be addressed

As Mister, Misses, Mizz or Miss
While we are John, Joanne or Chris
Because our worth they just dismiss
So may I say we are remiss

Because I really do believe
Equality we should achieve
With no more titles which deceive
The President should just be Steve

However if you will insist
That your big title not be missed
Equality must still persist
Let's all have titles here's my list

Does Pretentious sound good to you
Will Ostentatious Highness do
Or Lord High Muckity Muck too
How 'bout President of the Loo

Capitalist Communism

Communism was they say
A perverted disarray
Capital just gone astray
A dirty rotten foul play

Only the top ten percent
Made capital with intent
Of the poor ninety percent
Leading to great discontent

Capitalism we're told
Is a wonder to behold
Ten percent, the richest hold
Almost all the country's gold

If you ask me what I think
Could there be a subtle link
Government or private inc.
Power, money often stink

Abusive Bosses

One of those abusive bosses
Bares his teeth, they hope he flosses
Ducking as he wildly tosses
Things at them — they bear their crosses

The chef who comes from hottest hell
Swearing, mistreating personnel
Or billionaire with his hard sell
Degrading disrespectful yell

Just take that job and shove it where
The sun don't shine, we just don't care
You're not a man, you don't compare
To one who's kind, a teddy bear

I'd tell that boss right to his face
I'll work real hard and keep the pace
But treat me right do not debase
A member of the human race

Who's Number One

Who really is the best

That is my humble quest

Who simply is most blessed

And more than all the rest

Who's really number one
Let's have a little fun
The truth please who has won
Who really is top gun

For crime and GDP
Top university
Likewise obesity

It's USA sweet pea

China has the army

Macau longevity
Luxembourg the money
The Netherlands is free

Nobody is the best
In ev'rything professed
We surely can attest
We're all the same undressed

Winter

It's winter so they say
There's no more summer play
Too cold to eat sorbet
Or picnic and buffet

Yet still there is a plus
Or two I might discuss
There is no need to fuss
Just let me put it thus

The ticks don't like the cold
And flies are gone I'm told
The lawn is quite controlled
So summer's oversold

Now please don't get me wrong
I love the summer throng
The birds and their sweet song
But winter isn't wrong