The Lightning Bug

Leo the Lightning Bug
(with audio)

The lightning bug

He looks quite snug

Please don't say ugh

He's a spark plug

He's on the jug

And wants to chug

Just like a thug

He'll need a mug

Candy Castle
Lightning Bugs

That lightning bug

He needs no drug

Give him a tug

He lights up smug

Hey lightning bug

Give me a hug

Here on the rug

I'll call you Doug

Down by the Bay

Beach Chairs

I want to lay

Down by the bay

Let's take the day

To swim and play

There's a cafe

For fish fillet

Even sorbet

Let's not delay

8 Foot
Beach Umbrella

Make a soiree

Watch God's display

As we survey

The Milky Way

And so I say

May I convey

The ocean spray

Is ours today

Land of the Free I'd like to See

Freedom

Land of the free I'd like to see

That place would be for you and me

But I foresee we've got no plea

We can't be free just pay the fee

If you would be a detainee

Or deportee you'd disagree

If you would be a franchisee

A company — you'll pay the fee

The
Freedom Writers
Diary

I beg of thee can you tell me

I long to see a land that's free

No nominee no appointee

Can guarantee I can be free

While they tax me and they decree

A red tape sea I can't be free

Land of the free I'd like to see

That place would be for you and me

Thank God for the Lamb

The Bully Pulpit

When you are in a jam

Or been hit by a scam

An in-box filled with spam

Bullied by Uncle Sam

Then let's go eat fried clam

Some pineapple and ham

Or mint jelly and lamb

And some barbecued yam

Lamb
of God

'Cause it's all just a sham

From Britain to Siam

From here to Vietnam

The whole world is a scam

So please pardon me ma'am

If I get off this tram

I've decided to scram

And thank God for the Lamb

Don't Give me Brie

Brie Cheese

How can that be

I don't like brie

From it I flee

No brie I plea

I do like tea

Especially

A tea with thee

That is the key

The Wines of Chablis

So let's decree

That we agree

A cup of tea

Or some Chablis

We'll have a spree

Good repartee

What will we see

A DVD

Two Years
on the Yangzte

Or we could flee

And go sight-see

On the Yangtze

Or the Red Sea

Or we could ski

Win the Grand Prix

Only one plea

Don't give me brie

Good Job Bad Job

Positive
Mental Attitude
Pocketbook

Joanne complained about her job

She said it made her headache throb

And that she felt just like a blob

The boss was such a lazy slob

Fred worked for the exact same guy

In forty years of work gone by

He'd worked for big men and small fry

This job is great was his reply

Success Through a
Positive Mental Attitude

You see Joanne your head is wrong

Both good and bad are here lifelong

But all the bad you will prolong

If you just focus on what's wrong

We have the best job there could be

You've got to train your brain to see

A thousand good things that's the key

So think about the good — be free

Noses

Noses are fun I do declare

They're all designed to breathe the air

We each have one and not a pair

But some do make you want to stare

A sniffer can be large or small

And even round just like a ball

I hope you don't think I've got gall

And these words won't offend at all

Clown Noses

Lift your hand give your snoot a pat

Yes, you know where your schnoz is at

It may be bent or even flat

Or somewhere you could hang your hat

It doesn't matter what you've got

If it is tiny like a dot

Or large and pointy like a yacht

The question is to breathe or not

The "Dumb Sheep" Myth

Living with Sheep

The "dumb sheep" myth is just a lie
It's a delusion I reply
They recall faces by and by
They conquer mazes quick and spry

In Yorkshire, England they will roll
Across a cattle grid dear soul
To find new grass or water hole
Such intellect we must extol

Raising Sheep

Of herbal sheep cures I must tell
When sick they know where help does dwell
They know what herbs will cure them well
And thus their sicknesses dispel

When threatened sheep know what to do
They flock together ram and ewe
I hope I've changed your point of view
That "dumb sheep" myth is quite untrue

Pennsylvania Dutch

Pennsylvania Dutch Cook Book

Pennsylvania Dutch is great fun

In Middle German 'twas begun

With phrases that can't be outdone

Just listen for a quick dry run

To save the electricity

"Outen the lights" she said to me

If you're not sure what that could be

"Turn out the lights" translates her plea

Pennsylvania
Dutch Country

If you run the stairs up my friend

You'll be the one who will ascend

Red up your room I recommend

That means to tidy in the end

I'll just be wuntz — a moment more

It's spritzing outside my back door

Inside there's schnitz you'll ask for more

Yah well that's Pennsylvania lore

In Defense of Ain't

Elizabethan Literature

They say that ain't just ain't a word

But that ain't true it's just absurd

Among some snobs it ain't preferred

But we ain't stopping 'cause we're slurred

"Ain't I" is wrong says the big shot

"Aren't I" he says just hits the spot

Abbreviating "are I not"

But that ain't right, it's "am I not"

The Canterbury Tales

The whole idea is snobbery

It's just linguistic mockery

Language belongs to you and me

Not some exclusive franchisee

It just ain't right to disrespect

Or vilify and then reject

A word with meaning and effect

And used in Chaucer's dialect