Squirtle the Turtle

Turtle — Pet Owner's Manual

Our Squirtle is so very small
The smallest turtle of them all
Within his tank he has a ball
And on his rocks he loves to crawl

At feeding time it's a close call
Because he snaps if we forestall
His short and stubby feet will sprawl
To feed by hand it's fun for all

Box Turtle/Tortoise Food

He loves water for the long haul
That is his turtle shopping mall
He doesn't make much noise at all
He doesn't make a turtle call

Though Squirtle is so very small
He tries to stand up straight and tall
But any little threat at all
He pulls his head in his shell wall

Long Live the Herbal Remedy

Herbal Healing

Long live the herbal remedy
Our ancestors knew quite a key
For health and welfare they could see
In plants a healing potpourri

Ephedra plants make a good tea
A decongestant ephedrine
And Thyme you know, I guarantee
It's in today's mouth wash routine

And willow bark sounds strange to me
But it's quite ancient history
Helps with pain and headache you see
Is just Asp'rin to you and me

Homeopathy: A-Z

Now medicine is the decree
With drugs designed for you and me
But "drug" it's etymology
Just means "dried plant" and that's the key

Our ancestors knew quite a key
For health and welfare they could see

In plants a healing potpourri

Long live the herbal remedy

Let's Conquer Something Big Today

Understanding Poverty

God helps those who help themselves, hey!
That's the big lie that some will say
It's been 'round since the Greek heyday
It's not a Bible quote, no way

It's an excuse I'm here to say
Spread by the selfish in our day
Against the poor who cannot pay
For food and just a place to stay

The sayings wrong, it's just cliche
And doesn't make much sense today
When our world is in such decay
With crime and war to our dismay

Out of Poverty

Also political foul play
Overpopulation today
Corruption and disease okay
Add climate change into the fray

World conquerors love to portray
Themselves as heroes of their day
Let's conquer something big today
Let's conquer poverty okay

I'm So Glad that She is Mine

Proverbs 31 Woman

My love she is a real good wife
We've had the normal bouts with strife
But good times have also been rife
Together we've had quite a life

She is to me a precious jewel
Together we've gone through life's school
I'm confident in her home rule
I am the fire, She is the fuel

Proverbs 31 Man

She does her work with great finesse
She's loved by all for her largess
And still has time for love's caress
I'm proud of her I must confess

Our children say she's mighty fine
And to their praises I add mine
Above all women she does shine
And I'm so glad that she is mine

The Good Boss

Good Boss Bad Boss

The good boss is the one we love
He was sent to us from above
She doesn't think to push or shove
But gently leads with a kid glove

Yes such a boss is oh so rare
A boss who has such tender care
And the profits are ours to share
And we have wages that are fair

How to Become a Great Boss

He doesn't bellow nor abuse
She shows respect and let's us choose
The tools that we all need to use
Encouragement he does infuse

She comes and visits when we're sick
There's no way we'd give him a kick
She treats us well and knows her shtick
There's no better boss you could pick

Entitlement Mentality

The Corporation Problem

Entitlement mentality
The boss said, "It belongs to me
The world owes me a living see
The profit's mine I do decree

I worked to build this company
And you are just a little flea
I am the boss, You work for me
I am class A, You are class — Z

Entitled to it all that's me
I wish that you would work for free
I'm worth a million, You're worth — three
Or less than that — just one rupee

Are America's Wealthy Too Powerful

So crawl to me on bended knee
Then go fetch me a cup of tea
You serfs respect my dynasty
Oh just bow down and worship — me

Don't think that it's hypocrisy
It's biz'ness aristocracy
Entitlement, it's A-B-C
You get the crumbs, I drink Chablis"

Alphabet Soup after your Name

Rich & Happy without School

Alphabet soup after your name
If you've got none it's such a shame
Here are a few that you can claim
Don't be concerned it's just a game

Jonathan Jones M. P.'s my name
A Master Plumber, that's my game
Joyce Jones D. S. C.'s much the same
Department Store Clerk I became

M. R. S. such a note of fame
Mrs Sarah Smith that's my name
Some day if things remain the same
G. G. Great Grandma I'll exclaim

Success without College

Sam Smith D. T. M. H. ain't tame
Doctor of the Trash overcame
Master of the House I'll proclaim
And in my household I've got fame

She's Abbess of the kitchen flame
He's Pope of the backyard ball game
She's regent of the home domain
He's Pharaoh of one and the same

I Went to Church and Found Imperfect People There

The
Perfectly
Imperfect
Church

C                               G7                   C            G7
I went to church and found imperfect people there

C                     G7                      C      G7

I saw so many faults that I could only stare
F                                  Am                          F        Am
And then the preacher stood and I squirmed in my chair
F                              Am                         G7    C
He spoke of sins and I was caught quite unaware
                    C                             G7
Chorus: I've looked around, And haven't found

            C                           G7

The perfect church, In any town

C                  G7               C         G7

It was as if I was the only person there

C                             G7                    C       G7

And God was telling me that he does really care

F                               Am                      F        Am

And all my sins were known to him, he was aware

F                            Am             G7        C

And as I thought of all my sins I just sat there

(Chorus)

Challenge to
the Imperfect Church

C                        G7                   C       G7

Then I no longer saw the sins of others there

C                                 G7                       C         G7

'Cause what I knew of their faults just did not compare

F                             Am                           F          Am

To all the wrong I'd even thought which was laid bare

F                        Am            G7      C

I am the biggest sinner here I do declare

(Chorus)

C                          G7                  C        G7

I go to church and find imperfect people there

C                                  G7                    C       G7

And thank God for his grace and for his loving care

F                                     Am                  F        Am

'Cause he provides what none of us can bring to bear

F                            Am                  G7         C

Forgiveness and salvation that's beyond compare

(Chorus)

What did Jesus Say that Night

Christianity without the Crap

Just what did Jesus say that night

He has the sole preemptive right

To say what should be taught outright

But we prefer our rules in spite

Grab a candle make it alight
And do your rosaries tonight
Then pray Hail Mary's make it right
And speak in tongues until you're right

Don't drink a beer with me tonight
Don't play a card game it's not right
And dancing is sinful outright
Such man-made rules give me a fright

Mere Christianity

'Cause none of that's in black and white
Ideas of men are our delight
The truth is squeezed right out of sight
For human rules we want to fight

Just what did Jesus say that night

He has the sole preemptive right

To say what should be taught outright

And he said teach what I taught — right

Mathematics

The Language of Mathematics

In mathematics history
There's category theory

And also there's topology

And recursion theory

There's numbers, trigonometry

Logic, model theory

Calculus, set theory

Algebra, geometry

Statistics and cryptography

Integers, probability

Arithmetic, graph theory

Fractals and math philosophy

Amusements in Mathematics

Notation, order theory

Equations, lattice theory

Statistics, chaos theory

Analysis, group theory

Math calibrates in quantity

Like structures and their space you see

A measuring philosophy

Applied logic for you and me

Our Brave Firefighters they Will Dare

Firefighters: Their Lives

My heroes aren't footballers ne'er
It's meaningless I do declare
My hero's not the public square
Where politicians spout hot air

My heroes aren't rock singers where
They dress in just their underwear
My heroes aren't men with long hair

No they don't justify a stare

The Firefighter's Bible

My heroes aren't in movies where
They're just a bunch of fakes with flair
My hero's not a billionaire
He wants your money too beware

My heroes are not folks who swear
'Cause it takes guts to speak with care
My heroes are not debonair
They're just good folks who really care

My heroes save lives everywhere

Our brave firefighters they will dare

There's almost no one to compare

Like Jesus they are good and rare

The Common Garden Weed

Controlling Garden Weeds

What is that awful ghastly breed
What is their heretical creed
Show them no mercy though they plead
Their breed the common garden weed

Rapaciously they live on greed
Aggressively they sow their seed
The gardener must surely heed
'Cause weeds grow just like a stampede

Organic Gardener's Handbook

If we don't fight them they'll succeed
And as they continue to breed
The good plants will be chicken feed
And so we have to intercede

There's thistle, ivy and ragweed
With sorrel, kudzu and bind weed
That's why weeding must proceed
Until good plants are fully freed

Feel the Warm Sand Between your Toes

Rainbow Beach Umbrella

Feel the warm sand between your toes
It's the vacation that you chose

You think again of winter snows

Far in the past the times you froze

Life on the beach it's how it goes
As your light skin then slowly glows
And takes the color of a rose
Your skin now red you did expose

Blue Lizard Australian Sun Cream

You watch the waves as the wind blows
And as you look 'round for your clothes
It's time to cover sun burnt woes
And it's time that you arose

There's also sunburn on your toes

Back to the motel you suppose

Bring tanning efforts to a close
You feel like red beet and it shows